What I learnt from being momentarily “homeless”
As a careless person, I am really insecure about how I handle my important documents. Therefore going abroad to intern for one whole year, I told myself that I am going to have to watch out for my belongings as the consequences of losing them here are much more severe (and expensive). But, it happened, and it was my most important possession — my key.
The thing with consciousness is that when you are so used to your stuff, you don’t take note of them. Having your glasses on, having your zip up, etc. My keys were always placed in my coat’s pocket, I constantly touch and check for them, which is why I can’t remember the last moment I did before I lost them.
*This experience is definitely insignificant compared to real situations of homelessness, but it really knocked the importance of safety and security into the comfortable life I had. It has taught me 10 valuable lessons:
#1: Just because you’ve helped someone, it doesn’t mean they have to do the same for you.
I asked a friend if I could go over to her place. The fear about requesting is the harsh rejection, which is something I tread lightly because it’s uncomfortable to be on either side. My habit of lowering expectations makes me really joyful when you hear certainty of acceptance on the other hand. “Definitely”, “Sure”, “Hell yea”. But what I received was negotiation and hesitation — “It’s okay, but”.
I took it for granted that because I gave help so I should receive help. But the truth is that you helped because you were willing. Different people have different boundaries and one shouldn’t expect to be helped just because you have offered once. Or I’m just salty.
#2: Importance of network
I spoke to about 6 bus drivers who took that route I lost my key on. There was a nice bus driver who said he would help me check if he could get any information. He said it was the first time a lady gave him her number, that was cute! (no, he did not contact me in the end)
I’ve talked to many people who were empathetic of my situation. It showed me the importance of networking. For every 2–3 people I ask, there would be something new I would learn or find out. I felt really glad to be able to do something (else) and each lead gave me a little more hope.
#3: Being optimistic in a bad situation is tough and self-deceiving
It has been tiring on my soul and body, facing the consequences of my inability to take care of my stuff. In times like these, one could really do with healing themselves by spending some time alone. However, I was with a group of friends, and emotions are easily influenced. I didn’t want others to be affected by my mood because they didn’t have to be. My mom taught me not to “put your burden on others unnecessarily.” I had to pretend that it was fine so they are not affected by it, and it was a poor act. C-.
#4: Sucks to be uncertain, the routine can be nice
I’ve always pictured myself as someone who doesn’t like a plan. To just live and adapt! But plans were a life-saver this time. When I was wrapped in deadlines and projects, it taught me to partition my thoughts and focus on the task at hand.
On that very day, I was envious of how my peers could continue their daily routine of working on a Monday. There I was, not even certain if I could get back to my home or work tomorrow without my laptop. Not knowing what‘s coming kept me on my toes and it had been exhausting.
#5: It’s not all about you even when you are at ground zero
When you are feeling down, it’s easy to be sucked into it. You constantly get reminded of your plight. So it sucks when you see people continue living their lives because it really doesn’t matter to them. One has to look at the bigger picture and understand that it’s not about you.
#6: It’s important to have somewhere you can return to and look forward to going back to
I have taken having a home for granted. I didn’t realise how fortunate it was to have somewhere I can return to after a long day of being out. Having a place to stay was a given, and being in a state with nowhere to go back to sucks.
It made me realise the number of homeless people out there in the cold with no shelter. It doesn’t feel nice at all. Once I read in the book Rules of Life,
Rule 41
Always have someone — or something — that is pleased to see you“We all need someone who is pleased to see us. It makes us feel it is all worthwhile.”
In this case, having a home to return to and rest makes my day of effort worthwhile.
#7: It’s super comforting to have people understand your plight and empathise with you
Most of the people I have spoken to here really empathised with me. “I hope you find your keys back.”, “Oh no, that must feel super bad!”, “Are you okay?”. When you are fully absorbed in your emotions, having people empathising with you hits home run. You feel mattered to others, understood and cared for.
#8: Other people’s plights are cushions for your fall
Being in this plight made me asked around to see if there’re any possible solutions that I can take apart from my useless searches. I was fed 2 stories that made me feel better, knowing that I’m not on my sunken ship alone.
Story 1: Friend and her snowmobile
My friend had to pay 900SGD for crashing the snowmobile into the tree! She said that it has affected her for weeks and that she didn’t dare to tell her parents. Both of us had to pay for our carelessness but mine was much more significant yet hers was undeserving. Knowing that has happened cheered me up, as I am not the only stupid person who did things that I regret. It’s nice to know someone who has worn those shoes before.
Story 2: Senior and Misplaced keys
A senior of mine faced the same issue as I’ve had. I found out because we were talking about Stockholm and I shared my situation. Turns out he had to pay because he misplaced someone else’s keys. :O That was really dumb. Knowing that it has happened before made me feel less alone and relatable!
#9: The idea of Hope is torturous
While finding my keys, I struggled with the idea of valuing hope. Every clue gained and diminished brought plenty of ups and downs to my journey of searching. I think that hope is nice to have in your life, BUT IT CAN BE DEPRESSING TOO. I was holding onto thin air, onto my beliefs when there was nothing supporting them.
It was helpful hearing possible things that I can do, as every clue led to another. But with every new clue, comes a diminished clue too. Having hope means I have to be prepared for disappointment. As a realistic person who avoids high expectations, it wasn’t for me.
#10: Everyone has their bad days, and triggers can be pulled easily
I have a bad day that wasn’t known by many of my friends. I don’t like to burden others especially when there’s nothing they can help you with.
My friend was asking me to travel together because we are both in Europe. But I haven’t had the time to plan for my travels. So of all days, she has to “pressure” me during this period. It made me realise that it is important to not be so involved in yourself and that there are times when people are having bad days, so you never know when that happens.
This experience left a mark on my life. The first time I owned a place and I lost it in one instant. Having a place to rest is something many of us take for granted. If we could comprehend the joy of having a secure place, we would understand the greatness we keep giving ourselves day after day. I hope you take care of your belongings too!
The story ended with me getting a spare key from the hostel the next day and paying for the lost key. If it’s an issue that money can solve, it’s not that big of an issue.
Originally published at http://fiddlefoddle.wordpress.com on March 17, 2019. Revisiting this piece 2 years later reminds me of the warmth of a home and the dejected state I was in. It had all worked out fine in the end, and at that point, I had overamplified the situation. I’m glad to have documented this down. Please note that things will pass! It will get better.
