Why not saying “I love you" before dying shouldn’t be a regret
You have to try it once first.
Sensing a quicker heart rate than usual while trying to fall asleep at 2 am, I stood up and tried to make up the table in the dark. Everyone in the family has fallen sound asleep. With my notepad and the pencil that was luckily beside it, I flipped to the next page and wrote: “I love you family -13th Aug 2021”. Now, they’ll know should anything unexpected happen.
Perhaps the stories that I’ve been hearing has made my originally suspicious mind act up again. I was afraid that this would be a regret if for the unlikely rates that my healthy heart may fail me today and it would be the last day of my life. People could die in their sleep for no reason. An ex-colleague’s mum was sharing her childhood stories one day, and she passed on in her sleep the next. The sudden pain that lived in those who cared is not what I would want to go through. I wanted my family to know I care too by telling them I love them.
But… was it necessary?
“Goodnight, I love you!” I decided that today while the thought lingered earlier than before, I ought to let my parents hear it from my mouth. The reply I got made me realise that not saying I love you shouldn’t be a regret that I hold. “Orh!”, my mother respectfully replies. Her voice betraying the distraction of being engaged by the TV reality series which was obviously more entertaining.
Why do people place emphasis on three words that could mean everything or nothing? Our family has no habit of saying “I love you”, but I had felt that this was an important statement to make to remind them of the love I bear for them. But the reply that I’ve gotten has shown me that saying “I love you” doesn’t tell them that. It is but three words that they’ve learnt to come across.
Saying “I love you” first to my family made me realise that this is not a valued or necessary way of expressing love amongst ourselves. The love that we bear for each other extends via the way we ask if others want water on the way out of the kitchen, and opening the doors minutes before the others come back from work so their tired body doesn’t need to rummage for keys. And this love doesn’t require 3 words to justify itself.
I now know that if I had not said those three words before I die, that the love is known and shared between us. It doesn’t require an acknowledgement of “I love you”.
It is definitely not the case for everyone out there, some people require to be assured with their ears that they are loved. And if you have done that enough, it doesn’t matter if it was missed at that last moment. It has been shared sincerely over and over again. The last reminder wouldn’t be a regret. We just have to keep in mind that everybody has their ways to tell you they love you. Learn to give in the way that matters, and make sure they understand it.
